Breaking free from mum guilt
Mum guilt, it's that nagging feeling that creeps in when you're trying to balance the demands of motherhood with everything else life throws your way. If like me you find yourself questioning the balance between home and work every so often, feeling guilty about children being in clubs of childcare, wondering how you are going to navigate the school holidays and still offer insta worthy experiences, the truth, you are not alone, and you are doing an incredible job!
Many of the women that I coach, and the friends and family that surround me feel EXACTLY the same. The constant to challenge to mother as if you don’t work and to work as if you don’t have caring responsibilities. We don’t cut ourselves nearly enough slack.
Here are my top tips to break free from mum guilt:
o Prioritise Self-Care: Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish – it's essential for your well-being and your ability to show up as the best version of yourself for your family. Would anyone in your household be affected if you took a day off of work and sat in the park reading a book and enjoying the sunshine? Would work miss you, or assume that you were taking the time you are entitled to? How might you feel after day like this? Calmer? More relaxed? More able to return to your day-to-day schedule with a little bit more clarity?
o Let Go of Perfection: Release the pressure to be the "perfect" mum and the “perfect” employee. It isn’t attainable or in all honesty, meaningful. Instead consider striving for excellence. The measure of which can be set to wherever you are able to reach. Travel your own journey rather than one which is imposed on you by society.
o Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities and values. It's okay to prioritise your family's needs and your own well-being. Make time in your day for yourself. Rather than logging back on and working until midnight, maybe consider some time doing something you love.
o Focus on Quality Time: Instead of worrying about the quantity of time you spend with your children, focus on making the time you do have together meaningful and memorable. I can remember be a working full time with my eldest as a single parent. The guilt was real! I felt like she was in childcare more than at home (I was VERY lucky to have an amazing childminder) but I made sure that every other Friday when it was my weekend with her, I picked her up earlier and we had treat night. It didn’t need to cost a lot, very often it was chips and a movie, but she loved it. Fast forward to the teen she is now, and she still raves about it and it’s her go to thing to do when she needs that mum hug or wants to talk (actual hugs are far too embarrassing these days). The balance I applied, created a core memory for her, without me even trying!
o Seek Support: Reach out to fellow mums who understand the challenges you're facing. Share your experiences, offer support, and lean on each other for guidance and encouragement. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Set up that school holiday share group. I bet your bottom dollar that everyone is in the same boat and just too afraid to be the one to ask.
o Stop comparing yourself to those around you. You are travelling your own journey. You have your own unique challenges and obstacles as well as your own vision and values. Comparing yourself to other parents, or the recommendations of others wont do anything other than make you challenge your choice more. There is no handbook with parenting (god if only!!), what one child will do, another will not, and what one parent will experience, another will not, so stop trying to fit a mould that simply doesn’t exist!
You really can have it all, so long as you remain objective and keep yourself in check! You are strong, you are resilient, and you are doing your best. Let that be enough.
#MumGuilt #YouAreEnough